I Have a Voice and I’m With Her: A Biography.

I am me.

I am a woman with control of my own body and the life I lead.

I am a queer cis-female married to a straight cis-male but I love all people and have always been mostly bi/pan/lesbian on any given day. I believe everyone should have the right to marry the person they love.

I am pro-choice and believe that every woman should have the option of whether they want kids or not.

I am a feminist and believe in equality for all people no matter the color of their skin, the genitals in their pants, or the gender (or no gender) that they identify as. I believe everyone should be treated with fairness and respect.

I am Pagan and believe in all faiths and send prayers to my own personal Goddess and Universe. I believe all faiths and religions and beliefs should be respected.

I am chronically ill and suffer from fibromyalgia, arthritis, and seizures as well as depression and anxiety. I believe healthcare should be accessible for all. I believe health insurance companies need to be held accountable for all the awful things they hold against victims and patients who have no advocates for themselves.

I believe in a progressive education that either teaches all religions equally or teaches no religion at all. I believe education should include the outdoors, the truth about climate change and global warming, and should embrace the idea that all cultures are important and define who we are as human beings. I believe in protecting our Earth for our children and giving them the education and tools so they may do so for their own futures.

I believe in the separation of Church and State and that the Unites States of America should NOT be defined as a Christian government and that “Under God” should not be in our Pledge of Allegiance. I may believe in your chosen God but I do not pledge my allegiance to Him.

I believe that everyone should have the right to own a gun and I believe we need more gun control and tighter restrictions that people must meet in order to buy said gun.

I believe that land should belong to people and not corporations. That protecting people should always come before protecting a company. I believe that corporations and governments need more restrictions on what they can and can’t do to the land and water we depend on.

I believe in democracy and I believe our political system is corrupt.

I believe we would all do better as a species if we all spent a few weeks or months out of the year living off the grid and reconnecting with the Earth. Studying her and loving her and rediscovering all that she has given us. Not tied to wires and phones and satellites.

I believe we should give more money to NASA because we cannot be the only ones in this great big Universe and maybe those others can help teach us to be better at living our lives and seeing meaning in the little things.

I believe everyone should adopt an animal or buy a plant and learn responsibility for another living being.

I believe in trust, faith, and pixie dust. I believe in things we can’t see. I believe in Karma and in reincarnation and I’m not entirely sure but I think this may be the first time I’ve been human because I still get very confused over daily human life.

I am afraid for the future of our world. I am afraid for our children’s children. I am afraid for the Earth and all the damage that is being done for her. I am afraid not enough is being done to save the Great Barrier Reef or the Arctic ice at the North Pole or Antarctica in the south. I am afraid I am only one person and that I am not enough to make a difference in what’s important.

I am afraid I won’t leave a legacy behind and I am most afraid that my name will not be remembered after I’m gone. My name is Nicole Joanna Audrey Jeske and I don’t want to be forgotten.

Husband and I voting.

I write this because I want you to know who I am. I want you to understand what I am fighting for and why today’s election is so important to me. Politics are personal, no matter what anyone tells you. People vote with their beliefs, with their heart.

I am a white, queer Pagan woman married to an outspoken liberal atheist man. I have a Jewish non-binary trans best friend and a beautiful nose-pierced baking pseudo-wife who are my heart and soul. I am made of the Love that surrounds me, it makes my heart continue to beat every day. I fight for these people, for my friends, for my family, for my community.

This election year has been one filled with much hate and contention. I have unfriended and even blocked several people this year on social media. Not for who they are voting for – but because of things they have said or done or posted in the name of politics. Because I cannot abide by hate. I cannot stand by and watch an old friend post a video of lighting a Pride flag on fire and stating they wished they could do this to “the abomination of gays.” I will not remain in ties to someone who posts that trans people should have their genitals mutilated to “show them who’s boss.” I will not continue to be “Facebook friends” with someone who shares anti-Muslim, anti-trans people, anti-gay, anti-POC, anti-equality anything. I cannot be friends with anyone so hateful and hurtful who would actively go out of their way to do others harm simply because they are different.

Inauguration 2009

On the National Mall for the Inauguration of Barack Obama, January 2009.

So I want to you to know who I am. And if you don’t like who I am, and you oppose the things that make me who I am, you are free to distance yourself from me. Chances are, we aren’t that great of friends anyway. I won’t hate you for who you vote for, but if you’re voting for someone because you actively and vocally spew hatred for another group of people you share this Earth with, I will not stand with you.

Today is going to be a very long and stressful day. I’ll be sending out as much Love into the Universe as I can.
Please join me.

Today is Voting Day here in the US. A lot is riding on this election. A LOT. From finances, to medical bills, to gender equality to civil rights. It’s an important election. Here are a few thoughts I jotted down last night before going to sleep.

“The closer we get to tomorrow, the meaner and more cruel people on Facebook become – on both sides. I’ve started blocking quite a few people from my News Feed because I’m sick of the hatred being thrown around. Stop talking and act. Go out and Vote. Stand up for what you believe in. Do good, live your life well. That’s what counts. Don’t get mean. Love.

As for me, I’ve just had to stop thinking about tomorrow. You all know my side. You all know who I voted for. You all know who I love and what I stand for. Regardless of who wins, the aftermath is going to be filled with angry, hateful people. Regardless of who wins, remember this. We’re all humans. We all have responsibility. We all have a commitment to this earth and to our fellow people to put as much good into this world as we are able. We are all still Americans. We are citizens of Earth. We are pieces of the same universal stardust that make up our existence. We are the SAME.

Just remember that.”

Me in January 2009 on the National Mall waiting for the inauguration of Barack Obama.

No matter what happens, I will continue to fight for what I believe in.

Antibiotics and Politics.

Woke up feeling like someone had stuffed cotton into my ears, nose, and mouth. Still running a fever, so I made an appointment with my doctor, and now I’m on antibiotics. I’m crossing my fingers that they work – I hate sinus infections. My entire body just feels heavy.

I apologize for the amount of politics that have recently taken over my bog, even after I said I would try and stay clear of it well before the president elect was announced. But it is kind of a big deal, especially for the many of us who direly believe we need this change. It’s not all good though.

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision someone reading that legislation “eliminates the right” and then clicking yes. What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening commercial where the little girl comes home and says, “Hi mom, we learned about gays in class today” and then the mother gets that awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say “I believe you do not deserve the same rights as me”? Do they think that their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and working side by side with all the citizens of California?

Melissa Etheridge wrote an inspiring article called “You Can Forget my Taxes” and I encourage all of you to read. It might just start a revolution. “Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away.”

Since I haven’t been able to go to work or school, I’ve been trying to motivate myself at home to do stuff. It hasn’t quite worked since most of the time I’ve been sleeping or knitting in bed. Maybe this weekend the antibiotics will kick in and I can get some designs done.

For now though, I’m gonna make some hot chocolate for my throat and watch some TV.

I am Angry, too.

The LGBT community supported the Democratic ticket. We supported change and hope and equality. We supported our fellow Americans as we reached for the stars. And we won. Today is the day. But I’m not joyful; I feel robbed. Americans didn’t support the LGBT community.

Today is the Day but I’m Angry Instead.” A few days late, but the message still resonates deeply personal for me. It’s true – all of it. I am angry. And hurt. How can such a beautiful and multi-cultural country turn its back on its citizens?

Things will change. They will. As the dust settles after the celebration, I find myself drifting back to reality and remembering some of my biggest reservations toward Obama. I hope that he pulls this off and he does what he promises he will do. He has a huge weight on his shoulders now and a lot to live up to. We’ve put him on an impossibly high pedestal, and while there’s no mistaking that he’ll mess up like all the presidents have done (he’s only human), I hope that he makes up for it in big ways. I hope he fixes what needs to be fixed and makes life better.

Already we can see the changes though. People look you in the eyes on the street and smile like we’re sharing some sort of amazing secret. Everyone is celebrating it seems – the world is celebrating. Obama wouldn’t just be letting down the U.S., he’d be letting down people all around the globe if he fails. That is a big responsibility. I hope he can do it.

He can though. It’s not just him. We’re all in this together. We can do it.


“The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America — I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you — we as a people will get there.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, the New President of the United States, Barack H. Obama. Change inspires Historic Victory. We will not give up the fight we have only started.

Yes we can. Yes we can.

I’m finally going to bed. Good night. Tomorrow is going to be Bright.

The future is Bright.

I cannot even function right now.

Obama won.

I was on the phone with my mom when CNN projected Obama as President. I lost it and started crying I was so grateful and happy and just a mass flood of emotions. After getting off the phone with her, I turned to Ash and the waterworks turned up. I love her. I love my girlfriend. Things won’t change right away, hell, we don’t even know how much they’re gonna change, but things will get better.

I was a staunch Hilary supporter and found Obama pompous, arrogant, and ego-centric, but he grew on me, especially in the last few months. And tonight, I sat with a blanket wrapped around me, biting my already-too-short nails, and waited to hear the verdict on our future.

There is hope. We did it right.

There is hope.

A Plea to the Powers that Be.

We voted. Have you?

Obama for President. Please let it be. Let it be. Equal rights are too big of an issue for me to want anyone else as President. You would think that more people would believe in it, but they don’t. Sad, but true.


I don’t want to go four more years feeling like a second class citizen because of my sexual orientation. I don’t want to keep feeling sub-human for loving who I do. I want to be equal. Dammit, I am equal, but is it selfish of me to want everyone else to see me that way? I think it’s my right as a citizen of the United States. It’s my right as a human being.

I want to stand beside my girlfriend, and tell her I love her, and someday say “I Do,” and I want to do it all in my own country if we want, and I want it to be legal. I want everyone to see us as a legitimate couple. It shouldn’t matter, really, but it’s become a matter of face now – I won’t back down and let someone tell me I shouldn’t be allowed the same privileges as a heterosexual couple simply because I’m a woman in love with another woman. I deserve equality. We deserve to be equal.

Obama for President.


Lesbians for Obama!

Of course I’d be hit with the “No People” bug today. Of all days. A little look into my not-so-secretive personal life: I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder a few years back (among other things). Nowadays, it’s better than what it used to be (I’ve been known to have panic attacks in malls and break down into tears whenever I had to leave the house for school), but I’ll still have my off days, usually when it’s triggered by something. Yesterday, I had a slight break down due to an uncomfortable message I got online, and today I’m having residual feelings of negativity.

What this basically means is that I’m going to have a hard time stepping out of the house and being around people. It’s election day. There’s no way I’m not going in to vote. I’m just hoping that by the time we get there (after noon when Ash gets off for work), people will be too busy registering and voting to look at me, because, really, it’s the looks that set me off. If I notice one person looking at me, I crumble into a pathetic pile of incomprehensible mush. Maybe in the next few hours I’ll be fine again and thing won’t set me off, but we’ll just have to see.

Anyway, I’ve finished my breakfast of strawberry yogurt and pinapple, and I’m going to try and be productive until Ash gets home. Time for some art!


Pre-Election Day Jitters.

Well, it’s true. Tomorrow is voting day. Tomorrow will either end with great jubilation on our end, or total devastation. I honestly don’t know what will happen if McCain wins. Actually, McCain I don’t mind – the old McCain had some really progressive ideas and probably would have made a good president; however, this new guy running seems like a pushover who keeps taking steps backwards towards the frothy fires of doom and despair. And Sarah Palin? Scariest piece of existence on the planet.

With her as president (because, let’s face it, McCain’s old and won’t last long), Ash and I will most definitely never be allowed a legal marriage, at least in the U.S. And I highly expect any rights we do have as a gay couple will be quickly revoked. It’s a scary future we face as gay citizens if she is Vice President.

So go out and vote tomorrow. Make it count.

Even if, by some stupidity on the part of the electoral system, McCain wins, I’ll just tell you right now, no one is gonna stop me from loving my girlfriend. Not the government, not the President, and certainly not some beehive bimbo from Nowhere, Alaska with a vendetta against wolves and polar bears.

Maybe the change won’t happen right away, but I’m feeling oddly optimistic right now. It’ll come someday. Change. It seems like a fantastical concept.

Remember to vote.

Election in Plain English

I don’t see this so much as “How to Elect a US President” as much as “How our Electoral Process is Dumb and Outdated.” Really. I know this is an incredibly simple way of putting it, but for those of you outside the US, you can see the flaws right away.

I really like the How-To’s in plain English. This one is probably one of the greatest (though check out the one on Twitter in Plain English – that’s downright cool, and the Zombies in Plain English is just genius). What’s your take on it?